


The Cruel Universe Looks Soft In Your Arms

by Mentathial



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Platonic Soulmates, Romance, Romantic Soulmates, The black family sucks - Freeform, minor!jilly, soulmate-AU, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28242228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mentathial/pseuds/Mentathial
Summary: Sirius Black ran. He ran from his burnt soul-mark, he ran from trauma, and he ran from his feelings.Remus Lupin never thought of himself as brave...until the day he did.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	The Cruel Universe Looks Soft In Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Siera_Knightwalker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siera_Knightwalker/gifts).



The stars look beautiful tonight,  
In your arms, I see the wide expanse of the sky-  
In your arms, I see the universe laid out,  
Like my heart laid out for you.  
Yet the universe is distance,  
I am too scared to reach far,  
You are always near,  
Yet we stay apart.

Sirius Orion Black the heir to the Nobel House of Black was a romantic. No one who didn’t know him would know that of course, he was wild, constantly causing mischief, and thought of nothing but his happiness. Or so they thought.  
Most people overlooked Sirius’ attempts at being nice to women as a product of “good breeding”, and his manners as “pompousness.” And to be honest, Sirius loved that, he loved any reason to distance himself from “the heir of the House Black.”  
From the day he was born, his life was full of comfort, he wanted for nothing, and everywhere he went people treated him with the reverence that came being part of the elite…And he hated it. He hated the stares, the lack of privacy, and the expectations that stopped him from being a normal boy and so he decided that losing himself in mischief, prepared to be as wild as possible, a force of nature, was the best for him. Then he wouldn’t have to face the hurt that came with being a disgraced pureblood heir.  
He would not have to recall the pain of when his mother cruciated him at age six, and left him with a twitch in his left foot that was always hidden under the running…no time to think about pain when he was running the corridors of Hogwarts, trying to escape Minerva.  
He would not have to recall the pain of his blue soul-mark being burnt off at his father’s hand- Orion had said fate did not decide for the Blacks, even when they wanted to. No love wasn’t in cards for them, they married nobility to keep the family line pure and get good dowry into the family. No, when he clutched James’ hand and hid from the prefects, his could focus on the black lines on his palm- that marked him touching a member of his soul-family.  
He would never see the blue mark turn red…it would always remain a charged black, and even when he fell in love, even then, he would not be able to see the proof of it on his skin, to see how much he cared for another, meant only for the eyes of his lover. No, he would never be able to give them that…never touch their marks together and feel their cores mix…no, all he would have was his feelings...  
But there was no time to think about this when he was sneaking through the library late at night, trying to learn how to be an animagus. Not when Remus needed him. Remus, his fellow Marauder, Remus who turned his skin black like James did, Remus…who Sirius secretly wished would turn his scar red. He would never know…he would never know if what he felt was true love…and Remus deserved better. Remus did not deserve to be approached by someone with a petty crush who might later realise they did not love him…no Remus…Remus Lupin, with his snarky wit and his blonde locks that hide numerous scars, brave loyal Remus…he deserved a twin-flame. And Sirius, who could never be sure, could not risk hurting Remus.  
But no time to think about this while Flinch bellowed how he would hang him from the dungeons. No, that was time to run.  
And in all the running he never considered…just like he was falling for Remus, Remus might be falling for him too. That hidden under the cute woollen sweaters was a mark slowly growing pinker by the year, and that Remus might approach him, sure of his affections. No, Sirius Black was too busy running to think of that.  
****  
I could dance in your arms till the world ended,  
If you would have me,  
I would walk through the trials of life with you,  
If you would have me,  
I would love you beyond life itself,  
If you would…just have me. 

Remus Lupin was many things. His teachers said he was a sweet hard-working boy, despite his condition. His parents said he was a lovely child, quiet, calm, and studious, despite what had happened, after all that wasn’t his fault. His friends said he was snarky, funny, and polite. They didn’t know of his condition. And the Marauders? Well, they would tell you, Remus Lupin was an absolute beast. He was snarky and came up with the best pranks, conveniently making them look flawless, never getting caught, and always hiding behind the good boy persona, he had crafted so carefully. They would say he was loyal and brave, but that he folded his socks a little too, according to James. No one needed to be that organised! Peter would add, Remus could be scary if someone took is chocolate, and his revenge was always devious. It would strike when least expected and traumatise. No, Remus Lupin was no polite do-gooder, he was evil.  
And no, his being a werewolf had nothing to with the fact…in fact Moony was a kinder being than Remus. After all the wolf would just nip at you in anger…but Remus…the least said the better.  
Sirius Black would wait till the others were done and would say Remus was brave and a good mate, and his shirts were always too pressed. Sometimes he would stop there and look at the blonde boy who would smile at him, raising an eye-brow in question and Sirius would produce his unfinished potions essay and ask Remus for help. Smart blokes helped their friends Moony, Sirius would whine, until Remus would give in and push his essay towards the dark-haired male.  
Remus Lupin was many things…but he didn’t think brave was one of them. Oh no, there was no bravery in sitting quietly while his friends bullied the Slytherins to the point of tears but he was too afraid to lose the first people to actually know him…his parents loved him but the guilt distanced them…they could never look at him and see Remus, no, all they would see were scars.  
The Marauders though. To them the scars were battle-scars, and the monster he hid beneath… pack. The Marauders were family…and he could not lose them. Not Peter with his hero-worship, where he hung on every word either of the three spoke, where he would encourage every hare-brained schemed James came up with to gain Lily’s attention, every scheme but tell her of is affections or the red scar on his hip…no James covered his efforts of pushing the red-head away in declarations of love and none noticed…how can I ask her to stay Remy? I am awful for her…how could he loose James? James with is cocksure attitude hiding so much vulnerability, so much fear…so much stupidity and immaturity.  
And…Sirius. Sirius Orion Black.  
Remus could write sonnets on the Black heir. He was…well he was a storm…someone who could destroy everything in his path but would eventually give rise to a fresher world…he was passionate, even when he was causing mischief, he was smart, even when he begged Remus to write his essays- Sirius usually just applied himself elsewhere. He was…he was beautiful. Not just in his regal features but in his soft touch, in his affections, in the way he would look Remus in the eye and tell him if Remus was a monster then so was he, and everyone around them…he was soft in the way he would bandage Remus’ wounds, and never look at his scars twice before slipping an arm around his face, he was beautiful in the way Padfoot would fight Moony and then lick his face, he was stunning in hhis apparent recklessness yet Remus knew not once did things ever not go according to his plans, he was a supernova in his protectiveness, crushing everyone in his path, sometimes even himself. No, Sirius Black was beautiful…he was Remus’ best friend, his shoulder to cry on, and the one in whose bed Remus would sneak in late at night when nightmares got much for him. Sirius, despite his eccentric hair and dress and loud make-up, was reliable, he could always be counted on to hold Remus till he fell asleep. And…Sirius Black was a gentleman; he would leave the bed immediately after Remus did. Sirius was graceful when he would dance with Marlene, he was passionate when he would defend Lily, and he looked at James with sad eyes, every time the boy tried to push the red-head away. Yes, Sirius was cruel, cruel to Slytherins, and his family, and those who hurt his, but Sirius was cruel with a purpose, he was cruel to protect, even when he came across as cruel to entertain. At least, older mature Sirius was…no one ever said eleven-year-olds had any maturity and both James and Sirius had lacked social skills then, always insulting people in an attempt to put forward their ideas.  
And Remus Lupin? Cowardly, scarred, quiet Remus Lupin was in love with his best friend. He loved Sirius Black and knew that would be the doom of him.  
He had known it for a while and denied it, reminding himself that a monster like him could not love, yet the bright blue patch, untouched by scars or bite marks on his told him otherwise. The blue patch that started growing pink in their fourth-year, after he caught himself staring at Sirius while he laughed. Backed by the fire-light he looked…he looked like a Greek God come to life.  
Remus could not always trace when his affection deepened, but he did have a few memorable moments. That time in Hogsmeade when Sirius ran in front of him, mid-snow ball fight, when he saw James’ projectile would hit Remus on a still healing scar. That time when he sat and read with Remus. The nights when he would hold Remus.  
And before those…  
All those hours talking about everything under the sun as they caused mischief, bouncing ideas as they pranked the rest of Hogwarts, the way Sirius would get excited over Remus’ music collection and then add to it, the way he would tuck in a blanket around James while teasing him about his lack of a beard…Sirius Black was an asshole, who deep-inside was a broken, soft creature, and how could Remus not fall for the bravery shown in the act of getting up everyday to make the world smile, in the most insane way possible? After all, Remus had little bravery himself…and so Remus fell.  
And that day in his fifth year, he got his heart-broken, his deep-red, almost crimson mark getting it’s first scar. He was livid and hurting and screaming and betrayed…and at the same time he wanted to hold Sirius to his chest and cry. Because he knew Sirius and knew his friend would not betray him without cause…yet he knew he couldn’t. Nothing could justify Sirius’ actions…and so Remus hurt.  
Yet, Sirius won him back. With apologies and a changed behaviour, the reckless youth of his teenage gone and replaced by a man, his impulse tempered by reason. And then one night, he sat next to Remus’ bed and whispered, how he had been angry, how Snape had threatened Regulus and Sirius had felt helpless, and how he had broken apart, drunk and alone having just realised that his brother had joined the Dark Lord…and Remus cried. No, Snape’s actions did not justify Sirius’…and no Sirius did not say that…but he was a changed man, sincere in his apology, and even Remus’ reason knew he could not throw Sirius out for a drunken mistake, no matter how grave. He hadn’t intended for Snape to find him and once he realised what he had done, once he realised Snape’s curiosity was stronger than his bluff, once he saw the placing of the moon and realised Snape wouldn’t meet a sickly Remus but a fully transformed Moony, he had run for help. James, Minerva, Dumbledore, anyone who he knew knew about Remus…and so Remus began to forgive.  
It took them a year to get to where they used to be, for Remus to trust Sirius again, for Sirius to lessen the guilt he carried, and it was a long hard year. A year full of accusations and tears and falling apart for both of them and Remus often wondered if his pale pink scar would turn crimson again… and yet seeing Sirius’ repentance, the way his pranks sobered, his jokes become less hurtful, his work became more about heling others than showing off…the way Sirius began to think of and care for others other than the Marauders…Remus could not help but let himself fall…and so Remus fell.  
And so months after the end of seventh year, months after they had enrolled in a war and were fighting on the front lines, defending the lives of muggles and muggleborns every day, Remus decided he had to tell. No, Remus was not brave, no he did not want to lose his friend, but this was war, and he could not let Sirius die not knowing what he felt. Remus wasn’t brave…but no one ever said he was selfless either…and so…Remus let himself speak.  
“Pads?”  
They had just returned to the flat, James was at Godric’s Hollow trying to find the house that he and Lily would share, and there were beer cans on the floor from where Sirius had gotten drunk to forget the pain of seeing Regulus’ frame among the Death Eaters they were fighting. The flat though, smelled of the tea Remus had brewed and forced down his best mate’s thought, to ensure that the hangover didn’t last past an hour, to ensure his friend could still save himself on the field. Their flat.  
“Yes Moony?”  
Sirius’ head was still bandaged, his hand swollen from where he had tried punching Lucius Malfoy- the bastard had conjured up a brick to defend himself, “I will get him one day, just you see,” Sirius had growled when the Death Eaters disappeared- and he was radiant. Even covered in battle scars and dirt, Sirius was beautiful, Remus loved him, they could die any day…and so Remus let himself speak.  
“I love you.”  
And at the moment when he needed it most…his silver-tongue failed him and so the words hung in the silence of the flat, dancing with the dust-motes…until Sirius misunderstood them completely.  
“I love you too Moony, mate.”  
And Remus wasn’t brave and so he smiled at his friend and went to make more tea. After all, tea cured everything, even the faint scar appearing on his hip. It never occurred; he had never made himself clear to Sirius, not until the day the Black heir was lying on a table in the Order Headquarters, as Poppy worked over him frantically, and no one breathed for fear they might miss Sirius breathe his last.  
Yet, Sirius Black was one stubborn motherfucker, and he wasn’t about to let Bellatrix Black end him…of course everyone knew that, Remus knew that, they had just…forgotten…and in that moment Remus realised…he had never told Sirius, not truly.  
And so the next day, Remus sat next to his best friend, and leaned in, looking Sirius in the eye. He stopped an inch from his lips, and whispered, “Sirius Black…I am in love with you.”  
He was not surprised when Sirius didn’t close the distance. Hurt, yes. But not surprised. He knew the charred mass beneath his shirt, after all.  
“Remus…you...you deserve someone who knows they love you…and I won’t ever.” Closing his eyes, Sirius let his scars show for the first time, dropping the walls of recklessness that he hid behind.  
“Yes Sirius, I deserve someone who’s sure they love me…but I want you. The person who has loved me all these years without ever being sure, who risked their heart without knowing if it would last…no Sirius, we both know you know. I want you Sirius Black, if only you would have me.”  
Remus had never been brave. Not until that moment.  
And Sirius had never kissed the man he loved. Not until the moment.  
****  
The stars looked beautiful tonight, in your arms,  
The cruel universe looks soft tonight, in your arms.

When rumours began to spread…of a traitor in the Order, Sirius held Remus tighter against the accusations and James rallied, never one to doubt his friends. No one found the traitor.  
When Sirius switched the Potter’s Secret Keeper, Remus applauded his smarts…but never asked who knew where Peter was. No, the less he knew the better. He had to leave to talk to the wolf packs soon…  
When Remus left, Sirius raged…and then he got drunk, in an empty flat, until Peter joined him, bringing with him another bottle of Firewhiskey. When Sirius awoke, the rat was missing and there was a sinking feeling in his gut. He arrived t Godric’s Hollow too late and his grief turned to rage, once he knew Harry was safe.  
He calmed in a cell in Azkaban, knowing Remus would try to get him out.  
Remus returned to a world celebrating victory, two dead friends, a dead traitor, a fiancé in prison, and their godson sent to live with Petunia. He didn’t know where to start righting these wrong and so he went to Dumbledore.  
Harry needed Petunia, no one could interfere least she kick him out. No matter what Remus tried Dumbledore would not let him visit the child and eventually Remus calmed. His fire was being used to fight for Sirius getting a fair trial but the world was prejudiced…  
And Remus feared he would fail.  
But Dumbledore was smart and he got a trial arranged…on Remus’ word that Sirius would not go looking for Harry.  
That day Remus sold his soul to save his love…and when his secrets came out to the world, the Marauders’ secrets, the uproar was enough that he thought he would see a cell next to Sirius in Azkaban.  
Somehow, Dumbledore managed to get them off on a fine, one that cost the entire fortune Sirius had inherited from his uncle Alfred and whatever little Remus managed to earn.  
But they were alive and together and free and he could ask for no more.  
Until Sirius went looking for Harry, promising that he would not approach the boy.  
He returned furious.  
Remus wasn’t brave but Sirius was. Sirius Black was a storm, and he could not rescue his godson, but could threaten Petunia and he did.  
Every weekend the two men would spend hours with Harry while Petunia frowned and mumbled. They yearned to take the child as much as Petunia yearned to get rid off him but the family’s safety…Harry’s safety…was on line.  
And so, they prevailed. 

The cruel universe looks soft in your arms, tonight,  
So near yet so far, tonight,  
In your arms I cry,  
In your arms I smile.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was written because it's my best friend's birthday and she request a Wolfstar soul-mate romantic AU. She also asked for slow-burn but I don't think I have quiet managed to hit that nail on the head. And yeah. Happy Birthday Deb. Also, the formatting in this one sucks, and I would be grateful as fuck, excuse my language, if someone helped me out.  
> Leave me a review guys?  
> Also, I write OG stuff too and please help me not become the starving artist cliche by buying some of my poetry? It's better than in this fic. You can find my works at https://notionpress.com/author/siya  
> There's also free short stories, if anyone wants to read those.


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